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Well! It's all Mine……

Oppressed Freedom – My take on the hijab story

I read the article in the link below recently and the comments section too.

http://www.ndtv.com/offbeat/teen-texts-dad-about-removing-her-hijab-his-reply-is-winning-twitter-1682994

I sat in introspection for hours and i still continue to question something or the other about the article. Did any question arise in your mind while reading this?

I will put forth the same questions here. Would such discussion happen between a dad and daughter in our households too? And would dads give such answers? If you said “yes” to both the questions, why was this piece of discussion which happened in some part of the world making news in the national media in India?

Looking back at the past I have had situations where my dad gave answers pretty similar to the one in discussion. But why did we girls had to ask our dad’s permission always? Why do girls we seek the approval or acceptance from dads (parents), brothers or husbands always? I don’t mean it applies only to girls and not guys.. It applies to girls all through their lives. But guys break off from this mundane practice at some age and is not expected from them always. (from my observation)

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I do not know if I would have dared to ask my dad something I knew or I doubted he would deny. And true to my heart my dad is not a terrorizing person. But generalising this , I know of many girls who would not ask their parents something they feared would be rejected. Call it the lack of guts, but all I would say was the fear of being judged audacious. More to it was the fear of rejection.

I regret the situations were I have accepted “NO” for an answer but never fought back. Given a chance I would never fight back too, but would sadly settle down with the “NO”. This isn’t just me, this would be the voice of many girls. Do we always exercise the liberty available to voice our thoughts? Fear of denial conquers my thoughts.

By refusing I don’t mean that  dads are wrong. They made us accept things they felt were right and we were made to believe it. All I ask are we girls equipped to face the NOs, rejection?  What would the girl reaction be if her dad have said a no to remove the hijab? Nevertheless, here the girl did not want to remove the hijab. But what if she wanted to remove and the dad said no.

This tweet being praised in the media for a “model dad” would have been cursed as a “symbol of oppression”. Ha ha.. I would still say the dad was right. I feel that is how the dad wants to the girl to be and he isn’t at fault at all. Eventually the girl would continue wearing the hijab not just covering her head but her thoughts too. And someday write a post like this too.

On performing a reality check, our brains are wired and coded to conform to the expectations of our parents and husbands.  Don’t get me wrong that I mean slavery, we are given liberty to execute freewill within defined boundaries with prior approval.  Adding to it is the fact that we girls over the years have accepted this as “normalcy”.

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The 15 Things I wish I could tell my 20 year old self 

1. Laugh more and smile even more.

2. Play a game. A team sport.

3. Read lots.

4. It is ok to step out of your comfort zones.

5. Treat the disease of laziness . It’s dangerous. 

6. Keep your emotions at bay. Nobody bothers when you are upset or broken.

7. Learn from every person you meet. Listen. Observe.

8. Develop your skill at some form of art.

9. Express yourself right whenever required – words , expressions, emotions.

10. Your problems and worries are not of interest for anybody including your friend. Many a times nobody cares. Learn to keep them low. 

11. Learn to give and not expect anything in return – help, time, ear and happiness. 

12. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Learn to curate and accept criticism . It is ok if you are laughed at.

13. Learn to dress up right. Be clean. The world judges you with your looks first and always. The rest is valued rarely.

14. Appreciate people around genuinely. Never miss a chance to appreciate. It might make someone’s bad day the best. 

15. Forgive yourself and others as quick as possible. Don’t carry garbage all through life. 

The Aaha Moment !!!

Yeah it happened at 1:51AM or may be that was when I saw my mobile and said Aha!!

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It was close to 2:00 am, I sat struggling with my studies. Little did i realize that I never took a break from 11:30 till 2:00. It was then did i really wanted someone to tell me that I will make it through..

I did try to get someone tell me that its ok if I don’t get all things right the first time and that try a little harder. All in vain. My thoughts drifted off in contemplation  about those moments in the past, in dire need for reassurance. What could make you feel better in times of confusion, problem, helplessness?

Sometimes physical help from someone, sometimes a hug, sometimes a few words of hope, consolation.. That’s what I always have wanted. Given that fact that I have always given what was required of me in times of problem by a few people around me, I expected to be treated the same but was treated differently… To me it was unfair, taken for granted, indifferent and what not.. Why me?

Today was an “ahaa moment” or “enlightenment ” as i would love to call it. The solution to this resentment came to me in the form of a song I have been singing for many years. I began to hum the tune and all of a sudden the lyrics of the song seemed to make sense.

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I read the lyrics and reread many times… The solution to the bitterness that I was holding on to for long.

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The lyrics of the song is adapted from a prayer.

“Seek to console and not to be consoled. Seek to understand and not to be understood.”

Many problems would have not risen in my life had I thought of this. I still wonder at the depth of the insight. This will become my prayer from now on.

What was your Aha moment?

 

 

Unlearn

The first time ever I heard the word “Unlearn”, was from a Guinness record holder. He said it is harder to unlearn than to learn.

Yes indeed it was. I never knew that it could be so difficult to unlearn. That was during the Rubiks cube training sessions, where I wanted to know the tricks of solving the cube faster. I could solve the cube in 2-3 minutes. But the record he held was 11 seconds.


I didn’t know what had to be done to improve the speed of solving. There are formula to solve the Rubiks cube step by step. I did not know how to solve it any other way. What else should I do?
He solved the cube in front of me, before I could sense the sequence of his method, 15 seconds it was solved.  It was my turn to solve , I solved it in two and half minutes with shaky hands and in tension.

Every time I turned the cube to see the other side, I wasted a few seconds. Whenever I used my hand to twist a side I wasted a second in transferring the grip of the cube. He asked me to use my fingers to twist sides. He went on and on about where I missed seconds and how I should hold the cube, use my fingers and how my eyes should travel along the coloured edges.

Unlearn. Unlearn the way you handle the cube. Your hand movements and your finger movements. I came home with full energy and tried to unlearn. Its  more than three years since then, I haven’t unlearned handling the cube. Isn’t only about the difficulty to unlearn, but it’s all about stepping out of the comfort of what I already knew.


The master explained how the movements of the hand and finger according to formula sink into something called the muscle memory. The eyes see and the hands start to move in sync. That’s how we drive a car or motorbike. You don’t consciously  look at the gear shift or your legs shift between the pedals. That’s muscle memory which needs to be re-coded to unlearn.

It was an expert in the field who identified the need for unlearning. There are several areas in life that needs unlearning.. but who identifies what.. expert??

This post is part of the writing challenge and  has been lying in the drafts for almost a week..

 

 

Closed door

This post is part of the writing challenge.  Challenged by my dear brother to write on the topic “Closed door: Whats behind the closed door? Why is it closed?”

Accepting to write on this topic, I accept and acknowledge the presence of a closed door in my life. Speaking to a spiritual guru, a preacher or any well-wisher would never let a person believe that there is a closed door in life. When everyone is trying to sell the concept of limitless, boundary-less world/ opportunities, what could be this closed door and why does it exist.


When what’s behind the closed door is left to the limits of my imagination and creativity, I see it as something out of reach and I badly would want to have now. As it would be with everyone else, all I see (want to see) behind the door is only something really beautiful and good. In contrast , all that is before the closed door are hurdles, fears, worries and failures.

Doing a reality check on this moment, the closed door could be opened by a breakthrough event or a series of events in life. So this couldn’t be a single door. Opening this door , would lead to another closed door as well. May be!

I would choose not to be scared of the closed door, instead make my way to it. I know I have been waiting at a closed door for a while. I would say preparing for the life beyond the closed door would be a wise choice. All I could ask for as I wait at this closed door, is patience and the power to endure all that precedes the door.


Why is the door closed? The truth I have accepted happily or forcibly is that the waiting at the closed door equips for the life beyond. There could be other factors of negativity and human errors,  but then I strongly believe divine intervention would open doors at the appointed time.

My dear brother, I do not know if I have done justice to the topic you chose for me to write but I am sure you tried to awaken a sleeping philosopher in me. This is all I could write in 20 minutes.

 

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